What kind of trainer does your HORSE think you are?

If you asked your horse what they thought about how you trained them, what do you think they would say?
 I wrote what follows and started to feel very sad, very bad about myself.  I almost can't post this, but I think it's important for others to think about this and admit to themselves how their horse might have felt about what they did to them.  How do you know that your horse feels this way? Actually, it's not as difficult as it sounds. 


I know what mine would say. Unfortunately.


"Cari, you:
1. Lack patience so often, and you get upset and frustrated.  We don't understand why? What did we do wrong?  We are trying to do what you want.
  (I know this because I DO get frustrated, and the look on the horse's face says it all.  I do think that they want to work with us, as long as we are fair, explain things clearly and have patience.  We lack patience because we think things should be a certain way.  When you are following a training DVD, for example.  They make it look so easy and when you try it, you run into problems.  You get frustrated.)

Angel - I think....

2. Sometimes you don't even pay attention to us when you are doing things with us.  You talk on the phone while grooming us and we feel like you don't care. 
  (I have talked on the phone, thought about things that are bothering me, etc, especially while grooming them.  When I began to pay attention to the horse I was working on, everything changed!  THEY changed. They relaxed, they liked what I was doing.)

Snickers

3. We can clearly see you are asking something of us but we have no idea what.  Then you keep changing things.  You aren't very clear in what you are asking. 
  (This is a problem I have been aware of for awhile. Clicker training actually helped me get more organized.  Empowering the horse removes the intense structure, which is more my style.  Still, it's important to be clear!)

Luna

4. We don't understand WHY you want us to do half these things.  What purpose does it serve?
 (It's always MY purpose, isn't it?  And my purpose may not make sense to the horse because they don't understand the goal or why the goal is important.  There is one goal we have in common - to move beautifully and with athleticism.)

Snickers chasing Bella, who is protected by Angel

5. Do you even trust us?  You don't act like it. 
  (In fact, while my actions say otherwise, I do trust them more than I let on.  I am concentrating on letting them feel the trust I have for them.)

Tequila

6. So many wonderful, perfect days go by where you stay in your house or you're gone.  We wish you would come spend time with us.
  (I need to make more time for them, even if it's 15 minutes.  Sometimes my life gets in the way, and I feel their questions at the end of a perfect day that I had to spend inside applying for jobs or cleaning the house.)

Bella

7.   We don't like the bit.  It hurts.  It makes us want to run away.  You pull too hard on us and you are very demanding!
  (Angel and Snickers never had a bit when I got them, so I started them on the bit. Snickers really doesn't like it, even if I am as gentle as I can be.  Angel is more tolerant, but after watching Nevzorov's movie, I decided to try using the hackamore.  Not bad!  Tequila, too, fights the bit, and saddle, so I am re-thinking what to do with her. I had always been told that if they fight back, they are just "testing" us.  Sometimes that's true, but when I got on Snickers and let him do and go where he wanted, he continually took me to the tie rail.  "Of course he did!" You say.  "You must make him do things, take control!"  I no longer believe that.  Snickers did not enjoy what we did together under saddle.  Neither did Tequila.  Angel was kinder, and we have a better relationship than the others.  But what does that tell you?  The question is, can they get to the point where they like it?  That's what this is all about!)


8.  We don't like to be whacked with the orange stick just because we don't understand what to do.
  (This is something I did while following Clinton Anderson's videos.  He likes to whack a lot.  If they don't move, then you continually increase the pressure, many times using the stick to tap-tap harder-whack.  It's punishing and if they don't get it to begin with, how does it help?  When I did this type of training with Angel, she gave me a look I'll never forget.  It said, "Why?  Why are you hitting me like this?"  I never did it again.)


These are a few things I thought of and I'm sure there are more. Some are things that I had realized and already taken steps to change myself.  Some are more recent discoveries and I still feel guilty about them.
We have only just begun down the path to the goal, the goal of becoming stronger, more beautiful in movement and closer in our relationship. Those were always the goals, when I think back on it. 


Just what is it that I want?  I want to have that kind of relationship where my horse moves like the beautiful athlete they are, where there is mutual trust and communication, where we all feel safe in what we are doing.  The kind of relationship that I think certain masters have with their horses.  Where we can dance.