It's not what you think.  At least it wasn't supposed to be.  I named her "Tequila" for her color, in an odd moment of enthusiasm.  The thing is, she has really lived up to her name.  Would things have been different if I'd named her "Easy Susy"?  The world will never know.  She is and will always be Tequila.  Yee HAW!!!

Tequila can buck VERY well.  She kicks those back legs up like a champ.  She can also have an attitude, like a cheap brand of Tequila.  When I first started to train her to be saddled, she would get really nasty.  She would bite at me and  when I got after her, she always looked contrite.  So I would pat her neck.  And she would bite me again. Talk about rubbing salt in your wound! 

A friend of mine was helping me with her.  My friend was younger and sort of cocky.  She had just trained a stallion and she felt pretty good about it.  I understood her new-found confidence and also realized that she would meet a horse that would better her.  Like Tequila was bettering me.  The cockiness would disappear on it's own.  Like mine.

I had adopted Tequila at two years old from the BLM.  She was completely wild but with the help of another trainer we got her halter broke and then I worked with her on the ground. She learned to be groomed and to lunge.  She has always been touchy about her body and I think I have finally conquered her last touchy spot.  She is now 12.  She knows her ground work perfectly.  In fact with her, it seemed like the longer between our sessions the harder she tried and the better she remembered.  At least with groundwork...

Things started out pretty well.  I was able to work with her regularly. Then things fell apart.  I got divorced and had no time to work any of my horses.  She got groundwork sporadically for a few years and the issues with saddling only served to put me off. She has a rather long back and short legs, making her look a bit like a buckskin Dachshund.  I figured that her attitude about the saddle might be due to a physical problem and so I thought I'd enlist the help of my cocky friend who I'll call "Lynn". 

Lynn had taken a weekend course in Equine massage therapy.  I don't think she'd had much experience really massaging various horses, but I wanted to give her a chance to do her thing.  Before I say anything else, let me just say that I was feeling terribly guilty about not having been able to work with Tequila more.  She was now about 6 and long due to be ridden.  As I went into her pen to catch her she shouldered me and I let her.  I allowed it because I felt guilty and I thought that I should be "nice" to her to make up for it.  None of this was obvious to me, though, until Lynn said, "She is really taking advantage of you.  She's pushing you around." 

She might as well have stabbed me in the heart.  "NO!" I thought.  I would never let a horse do that... Embarrassment flooded through me but when I came to, the facts were laid bare.  Yes, Tequila was pushing me around like a punching bag.  Yes, her mom had allowed it.  Lynn was right, though I had a very hard time admitting it to her. 

My interactions with Tequila began to consume me.  What else had she been doing?  Well, for one she liked to bite me when being saddled.  It really pissed me off, though.  It pissed me off so much that I didn't want to deal with her.  Why the anger?  As it turns out, Tequila is the horse equivalent of my brother.  My brother would often be mean to me, then act as if he were sorry and then he would come at me again even meaner than before.  He baited me to keep coming back for more.  I stood in the barn one evening saddling Tequila, determined to get her to accept the saddle without being a brat.  I cried and then stood there looking at her.   That's when  the pattern, the same pattern that defined my brother, became obvious.  I threw my arms around Tequila's neck and cried. 

In that moment something happened.  The breakthrough wasn't all mine.  Somehow, when I hugged her like that all the anger I felt melted away.  I wasn't mad at her, it was all anger at my brother.  Wow.  That day I like to think that I forgave her and she forgave me.  From that point on, no more guilt and no more letting her get away with pushing me around.  Our relationship changed. 

Tequila taught me that so often we treat our own horses differently than other people's horses.  If you are a trainer, it is easier to look at a clients horse more objectively.  My own poor horse, left at home to wait for me, became my psychological enemy in a sense.  My own issues overshadowed the training, unfortunately.  But the good thing was that I listened to Lynn, and realized the truth of what she was saying.  Thanks to her I was able to move forward with Tequila.  Today things are much better but she is still a tough cookie to work with.  More on that later... The important thing is that I don't let my personal guilt get in the way. 

Thank you,Tequila,for being my therapist!

This week some friends came up, two teenage girls and a mom.  They wanted to ride the horses which I enthusiastically encouraged. One girl thought she could handle anything and had ridden before, the other one had never been around horses but had an interest (not the 'horse crazy' variety), and the mom loves horses but hadn't ridden since she was a girl. 

My initial feeling was that the situation could turn bad with the two girls pretty quickly, so I was maintaining heavy control from the start.  I had confidence in my horses, Snickers and Angel, as I had been schooling them fairly regularly and had plenty of notice that everyone was coming to ride.

Here is how things turned out:

Fearless teen rode first on Snickers.  She was a good rider though not particularly knowledgeable. She was confident, though, made even more so by the presence of the other girl who was very shy.  After a bit of instruction she was off and running, confidently riding out his giant trot across the pasture.  I put the other girl on Angel with a lunge line.  She was not too sure of all this but after about 20 minutes she agreed to try walking around off the lunge line.  It went well until I sent her towards the fence.  When she got to the fence and turned around, Angel started trotting for home.  I was able to talk her down and got her to stop Angel before things got dangerous but it scared her.  She wasn't really enjoying it much.

Then I put the mom on Angel and she did really well, but  Angel was nervous and too quick.  I could tell that she was somewhat confused by the beginners and didn't feel comfortable.  With some instruction the mom was able to have a good ride on her and did a really good job of listening to me and doing what I said.  Whew!  Since the second girl wasn't feeling confident I didn't have to worry about the two girls galloping across the pasture and getting dumped somewhere while I yell "slow down" to no avail...

All of this reminded me of a few things.  One, that riding takes skill, actually skillS.  There are so many things you must do at once to make it appear smooth, regular and in control.  Even more skills to do the turns, shoulder-ins, etc.  Plus our pasture is dotted with small trees, about knee-high making riding a challenge at times. And ditches, yes, lots of small ditches and long grass, and POOP.  I suddenly realized that although I enjoy riding Angel and Snickers, it actually takes a lot of riding to get them to do what I want.  I am always comparing them to last week, last month, last year.  They keep improving but not enough for a beginner to feel comfortable on. 

In my mind, since Angel isn't rearing straight up and Snickers isn't turning back to the barn every other stride (I am NOT exaggerating!) that they are REALLY GOOD.  So this weekend was a wake-up call for me and for them too.  I think my horses appreciate me more now... I hope. 

The other thing I realized is that I am better than I think sometimes.  It's easy to get down on yourself, especially if you don't compete.  I have no way of knowing how far I've come since I can't take lessons right now.  I can't afford to compete, either, and these two facts tend to lead me to believe that I am not very good.  Or that I am becoming a bad rider...with bad habits.  This weekend I learned that I make two very green horses look good and that's not easy to do.  Although I would like my horses to be able to be ridden by anyone, I realize that it takes time for them to feel confident in themselves so that can happen. 

To everyone who has ridden for a long time, pat yourself on the back.  You are probably far better than you realize!

As I get older I find that sometimes the drive to ride and train...falls off a bit.  Especially if I havent' been able to ride or work with them for awhile I feel guilty, which then has the weird effect of taking away my impetus to ride.  It should have the opposite effect, shouldn't it? 

In the past month, though, inspiration hit me in spades.  Here is the strange part: I have been trying to tell my husband, Doug, for weeks that I have lost my drive and feel like I haven't accomplished anything in my riding, and since we live in a godforsaken rural area there are no dressage instructors, etc., etc.  Finally I got him to listen and I voiced all my angst. The horses are sorely in need of training and regular riding.  I am out of work, so time is no longer a problem, I only have the weather to get in the way yet I had trouble getting out there and really going at it. 

Then, after I voiced my feelings, three things happened that changed everything.   First I started giving riding lessons to an 11 year old girl that visits my neighbor's house.  They bought a horse for her, a very sweet old ex-jumper named Charlie.  Charlie has wandered over to our house for visits on occasion so I got to know him well.  In any case, this little girl is horse crazy and brimming with all that lovely courage that comes with riding.  She fell off when he stopped suddenly and hopped right back on, no fear at all.  She rode him every morning and then I would come over and give her a lesson.  She reminded me that I am so lucky to have my own horses and that it is a privilege to ride every day.  She brought out the 11-year old horse crazy girl in me.  After she left I went out and rode every day.

Then I read about a woman in the May issue of Oprah magazine.  There was a piece on women who were old for their activities and one of them was this fabulous 60 year old barrel racer from Hawaii.  In the photo she is standing on the back of her horse with her long grey hair in braids and she's smiling big.  She got into riding at 45 or there about and said that she just "rode, rode, rode" her horse all the time.  She competes for fun, for something to do. 

After reading that I scolded myself for being too caught up in my age and my (lack of )  accomplishments.  It's more important to DO IT than anything else.  With riding the process is what counts, as it is with training.  Doing it every day is the most important thing, and the improvements will happen. 

The third inspiration was even more wonderful and unusual.  I will save the full story for later, but I found out there is an FEI level rider only an hour away named Anita Williams.  I am going to meet her on Monday!  She's going to allow me to be a working student. 

This week, before the rain started, I rode and rode and rode.  And Angel lost weight...for the first time in 3 years!  And she also learned her canter leads, at 11 years old! 



Angel this week - note the crest on her neck is now a slight bump.  We are working on muscles for the hind end...



Taken about a year ago - here you can see how cresty she was!  She also wants you to know
 that she is "large boned"and being covered in white fur is NOT slimming in the least!