Expressions...

Snickers

Luna

I have been reading a book called "Beyond the Dream Horse - A Revealing Perspective on Attaining a True Relationship" by Michael Bevilacqua.  The book is about working with horses in an empowered manner and using positive reinforcement, although it's mainly about his journey to this point in working with horses.  

BJ

Usually when I read books like this I feel jealous of the person and have difficulty reading the entire book.  They usually seem so confident and all-knowing and it makes me feel...small. This book, however, is different.  Though I'm not nearly finished with it, I have already traveled this path. I've been here before.  The things he describes I've felt at various times and those feelings led me here - to a seemingly cold and lonely place. It's nice to know that I'm not alone.  I highly, highly recommend this book to all horse people.  

Luna

Angel

He talks a lot about the way the horses looked at him when he did various common training techniques.  This is what stopped me from continuing down that path, too.  Thankfully, living with my horses at home for the very first time removed the judgement that comes from boarding them and being watched by the other people there. I was free to try whatever I wanted and to do things my own way.  Now that they are boarded at this pasture I find myself considering changing how I do things.  NO!  God no, it's so important that I DO NOT do this!  

Tequila

I also just finished reading "Quiet" by Susan Cain.  It's about introverts and how we try to make our way in an extroverted world.  I think the horse world is completely extroverted, but then I remind myself that introverts have no desire for the spot light, and so what you see are heavily marketed extrovert trainers that take little time to reflect on anything.  They are all about action and results.  They rarely innovate, although they would have you believe that everything they come up with is all new.  It NEVER is!  Even this other way of being with horses really isn't new, it's just pushed aside for something more obvious and easily sold to the public.  It's difficult to sell empowerment, because most people don't want that kind of responsibility.  


Early on I found myself shying away from that world.  The thought of having to make my way in some huge barn focused on income and shows makes my stomach heave.  That kind of atmosphere sucks all the marrow out of working with horses in any meaningful way. To me, it's about the relationship, not about showing off. 

Angel

Jesse - One of the most communicative horses I have ever known.
This picture doesn't do him justice!

In "Quiet" Cain talks about Gandhi's theory of non-violence, what he called "quiet persistence".  I don't mean this in the sense of asking the horse for something over and over again - with an eye on the results.  I mean it in terms of a relationship, of trying to reach that point of understanding, of not knowing how it will happen, but believing completely that it will.  

In spite of my feeble attempts, I know in my heart that when I go out to the horses and look them in the eye that they want this as much as I do.  When we had to leave them there my husband was so sad.  In his heart he believes the same thing.  The way they look at us communicates so much.  I think some of the photos taken of them over the past few years reveals some of those expressions.  It is painful to be separated from them for so long.  They are more than transportation or animals for showing, they are a part of our lives.  

Luna

Tequila

If the relationship with your horse is more important than competing and winning, more than just a creature to ride, read Bevilaqua's book.  I also recommend Imke Spilker's book "Empowered Horses".  Both books can give direction as to how to approach your horse in a new way.  My advice is to open your mind, believe in an alternate possibility and observe what happens when you groom your horse, tack them up, ride them, train them.  
Unlike every other training method and trainer, this time you have only yourself and your horse to rely on.  

Luna and I

When you put aside all the "shoulds" and "methods" and ideas about what everyone else thinks is right (including this idea itself),
What's left?  Just you and your horse.  What feels right? What doesn't?  That's all.  


See what happens.
See what happens?

Doug and Snickers

Bella, my "little Buddha"

Snickers, Doug and Luna - note the body language going on...

Selling Out

I believe that all situations provide a chance to learn, either about ourselves or our horses.  Yesterday I learned a lot. Yesterday, for the first time in my life, I sold one of my horses.  Prior to this I had only returned one to the BLM and had to put down my old horse which is to be expected.

I never thought I'd have the courage to sell a horse.  It's only something I would do in an extreme situation, I thought.  I truly love all my horses, including Tequila, the horse I sold. If you follow this blog you know that she was up for sale and probably read about her.  I have had her for ten years, how could I let her go?

Here it is: one thing this taught me was that even with the best of intentions we get caught up in our ego and pride often takes over.  I constantly told myself that I needed to finish her training, get her going, etc. But things kept interfering.  We were both caught in circumstances not of our choosing.  Tequila never got the time from me she deserved.  I felt guilty, which brought a sense of urgency to the training.  "I need to get this done!  I have to ride her NOW".  It's difficult to have patience under those conditions - I gave myself too much pressure. Then  I put it on her - she  had to perform well for me.  When she didn't, when she got nervous I got frustrated.  It only made things worse. 

When we moved out of our house in Rifle, losing our pasture and facing the fact of having to board five horses, we took an honest look at them.  I knew that the broke horses would sell more quickly and so I bravely suggested selling Angel and Snickers.  My husband kept silent, for many weeks.  Finally he said, "I think we should sell Tequila." At first I thought "NO! She isn't finished!" Then I really thought about it.  We both really enjoy our other horses.  In spite of their beginnings, Angel and Snickers fit us and our lifestyle. They are easy and a pleasure to work with.  Since my new job will take a lot of time, I know that I can be productive with them in the short time I will have with them this summer.  I can also make time for Luna, who really needs me.

So, with a clear conscience we put Tequila up for sale.  It wasn't that easy, though.  It's hard to let go of something that you have worked on for so long.  Yet it is also letting go of a burden that you have had for too long.  She always hung over my head and all this time I felt guilty.  It actually feels good to turn her over to someone else.  

Here is what happened yesterday.  A young couple showed up to look at her and since she was to be the husband's horse, he took the lead.  He started trying to bond with her right away.  He spent a good two and a half hours with her, riding her in the round pen and out and about.  At one point he fell off because the saddle slipped and she freaked out.  He had patience though and as I watched them together I saw that she was wanting to trust him but really tested him too.   At one point I tried to step in and help him with her and Tequila gave me this look that said "Butt out, Mom.  This is my thing."  

Doug having a talk with Tequila

So I stepped way back and watched someone else take over.  I saw his patience, I saw how she tried things and when they were ignored or caused no reaction she relaxed.  His confidence gave her strength and although she acted really badly yesterday I think it made him want to take her and work with her.  They knew that they were buying a cheap horse and why she was cheap and accepted that. 

In the end I was so pleased with everything.  She found the right home and I felt good about letting someone else take over.  As I made the long drive back to Grand Junction, I realized that the guilt was gone.  Tequila had let me know she agreed with the situation, too.  Everything is right and never in a million years did I think it would turn out this way.