I have been struggling, for oh so long, with being a horse trainer.   Unlike so many people I didn't have the money to go to Germany, or spend my summers with so-and-so famous trainer cowboy, or even to pay to go to clinics.  I've had to scrounge and learn from the people I had access to.  Since I don't have a "facility", a nice place to give lessons, I go to other people's properties to teach.  It has been, for the most part, an on-the-side kind of business.  I've always wanted to be more, to be able to show and to further my education as far as training and horses in general.  I wanted to have more of a name for myself and to be able to support myself on my horse business. 

Along the way, many things happened that kept me from realizing my dream.  What exactly happened isn't important, but for one reason or another I never got to the level I wanted to and at my age I was feeling regretful of that.  I have never stopped looking for a way to find a mentor, to find someone nearby to work with, but the folks I've run in to just weren't what I was looking for.  The more I kept looking at different training "methods", the more I didn't like what I found.  Clicker training was the first glimmer through the mess of horse training methods.  But I like to keep an open mind and so I kept reading any horse training book that seemed different.  I've already written about the books I've read, namely "Empowered Horses" by Imke Spilker. 

Finally I've reached a point where I feel like there was a purpose behind the procrastination and the missed opportunities.  It was leading me here, to this point in my life, to a point where I can accept that I'm not a trainer and teacher of all kinds of people and actually be thankful for that!  Being a trainer on the level I thought I should be at requires absolute faith and belief that what you are doing is the right way.  I have really never felt that way, obviously, since I have continued to search.  I'm thankful for that little voice inside me that says "keep looking, this isn't it". 

So, I think this is it.  This is it because it requires me to not be in the public eye, or to be teaching all kinds of people, or to have a line of training DVDs.  Once you commit to a way, it's very hard to change your mind and be convincing to your audience, especially after they have bought all your products.  Instead, I feel like I've arrived, that I am "home".  I am free to do what I want with my horses (or, rather, they are free to do what they want and perhaps we can do somethings together), which also means not having to train them relentlessly on a strict schedule.  I had so much guilt and stress trying to find the time to work with them the "way you are supposed to".  I enjoyed clicker training and will probably keep doing that in part.   I'm not going back to the more traditional methods, though.  There has been a mental switch that prevents me from treating horses the way I used to.  I can't do it anymore! 

That doesn't mean that I don't want to be with them, spend time, "work" with them.  It means I am done spending every minute with them "in training".  I'm ready to enjoy them, make friends and have some fun! 

Finally, I am at peace.  I feel like my search for a way to interact with my horses is done.  I am at peace with my horses and that finally, finally I can work on the thing I always wanted to work on - having a relationship with them.  That's what this was all about, how to reach them, how to get closer to them.  Making money at it kind of ruins that.  I was never really that good at the career portion anyway, and it seems like I was never meant for that (I'm actually a shy person, though I do love to teach riding).  I've accepted it, I've accepted me, and I accept my horses the way they are. Perhaps I will teach a few lessons the way I always have, a few folks at a time.  It's so much more meaningful and rewarding that way. 

I sincerely hope that whoever reads this finds their own way with their horses and takes the time to look outside the box once in a awhile.  You may be surprised at what you find...

I wanted to fill you in on how things are going with the empowered horses experiment.  Thanksgiving was last week and the relatives just left, so last week I only had limited time to be with the horses.  I did have a few sessions with them, though and wanted to pass on how it went and what I did. 

First of all, it's difficult to head out to the horses without a plan or a training goal.  It seemed difficult for the horses to figure out what was going on, what they should do, and what I wanted from them.  Since our relationship up to now has all been one-sided, they were looking to me for some kind of guidance.  I assume that it will take some time for us all to come up with a new way of interacting.  To most horse people this line of reasoning may seem weird or pointless, but I see a change in the horses already. 

I have noticed, for example, that there are definitely things that particular horses of mine don't like doing.  Snickers doesn't like being ridden with a bit.  Tequila gets sore from the saddle and until I find a saddle that fits her, she will object to being saddled and ridden.  There are other things, too, that I can't remember at the moment.  So, our interaction is now one-on-one in my little arena (a bit too small for the purpose),  sometimes with a lead.  I have tried taking the lead off because that's the purpose - to allow the horse to be as free as possible while we are together.  I try to play, but this is difficult because I have never played with them before.  There is lots of scratching and moving.  They seem to feel uncomfortable just walking next to me, so that's something I'm looking for to show how well things are changing.  Snickers seemed to want to do his clicker training and even offered some of the things I had taught him, so we did some of those things. He is very smart and I feel that he really wants a connection with someone.  He is not afraid to express himself and to say what he would like. 

Bella, too, was eager to do the clicker exercise of going in the garage.  I backed off even further, though, and did the entire thing without a halter or lead rope.  That way she could do the entire thing without any pressure at all and at her choosing.  She chose when to come in, how far and when to stop.  This is completely opposite of any training method I have ever tried, and it may seem counter-productive.  But here's the thing - both Snickers and Bella chose to do the exercises we had already been doing.  It makes me feel good to know that that work was fun and enjoyable to them, and they found a purpose in it, too.  That's the best feeling!

The goal is to allow them a voice, a chance to interact with me in a way they choose, to play, to relax and perhaps in the end to work together.  We'll see what happens. 

I just finished reading, in its entirety, Empowered Horses by Imke Spilker.  This book is about a new way to "work" with horses, a different way to interact.  It's about looking at things from the horse's point of view and giving them the respect they deserve. I think most trainers would say that they already do this.  I think that most of us like to think that we are being gentle, or that our horse likes what we do, that they like us.  We like to think that whatever "method" we learned in the beginning of our training career is the right one and we don't question that.  Then there are some of us who never stop questioning, and I'm not ashamed to say that's ME.  I have never stopped asking myself some pointed questions along the way.  Little things I've seen over the years have bothered me and so I tucked them away in the corner of my mind, and yes, while following whatever method I was using at the time.

Getting back to the book, it may be difficult for many horse people to digest and to change their thinking after reading it.  The author is a German woman who it seems already owned horses and decided (I am still not sure if it was for a project at school or for herself) to start a horse communications project.  The point being to try to communicate with the horse.  Not at the horse but with the horse, meaning there is a two-way conversation.  Meaning that the horse has a say.  The only goal was to find a way to communicate openly. 

Many of us may think we already do this, but we do not.  If we go to the pasture and can't catch our horse, does anyone think about why their horse doesn't want to be caught?  Many beginners have said to me, "I can't catch my horse, does he not like me?  Does he really want to be ridden?"  I said what I was taught to say, "Oh, it's just a game they play, they are testing you.  Once you let them know you won't put up with that they will come to you."  In reality, what are they really saying?  I had finally graduated to my horses standing still in the pasture when I went to catch them.  After starting clicker training it went to the entire herd running to the training pen to wait their turn when they realized we were doing clicker training.  That made it perfectly clear how my previous training was not enjoyable for them.


Just like the other book I've read recently, Galloping to Freedom, by Frederic Pignon and Magali Delgado, Spilker is a huge proponent of playing games with horses.  Games that stress equality, fun, being free spirited, and rhythmic movement.  The games develop, if the horse wishes, into what we call "work", in Spilker's realm it's really collection and helping the horse to move in such a way that they are beautiful and efficient.  She provides an excellent example of what collection is and how it comes about from work on a circle. 

The thing is, the horses do the work of their own accord! The person is merely a "tutor" as she says, a person who aids the horse in finding its base of support and its "magic spot" where the center of gravity shifts back.  Once the horse understands this it can choose whether to move forward or not.  What Spilker found, however, was that they not only want to, they practice on their own!  They become addicted in a sense to this new, easier, more beautiful way of moving.  This is because horses love movement, it is the center of their being. 

The person helps the horse with aids, aids that the horse truly accepts, understands and envelopes.  The horses are ridden, many times bareback, but only if they want to be ridden.  You may think that if a horse is allowed so much freedom it would choose not to carry someone, but according to Spilker, they do.  They allow riders because a mutual relationship has developed of equality, friendship, trust, and two-way communication.

If some of these words sound familiar, that's because so many trainers use them without really thinking about whether or not they are true.  I recently went to talk with a local trainer who told me his methods were very gentle.  However they were the same as every other trainer's, that is, he used mainly thin twisted wire snaffles, he was aggressive and dominant and insisted on the horse following through.  All my life I have been told that I'm not aggressive enough, that I had to be dominant, that I had to bend the horse to my will.  I never liked that way of training but two things kept me from going against it:  one, I am naturally a gentle and empathic person, so I thought I had a character flaw that prevented me from being a really good trainer.  Two, there seemed to be no other alternative to what I'd been taught. 

To be fair, I do have a few criticisms of the book and the "method". The book itself is very philosophical and not especially practical.  There are no real suggestions on how to take your 15 year old horse that you have trained using whatever method, say modern dressage (German), and then convincing your horse that you won't be doing THAT anymore in favor of this empowerment method.  The problem is, if I were a general and my horse a soldier, it would be like telling the soldiers that they are now free and they can do whatever they want. In the presence of the general they might feel encumbered or inhibited.  It would take some doing to convince them that they were indeed free to do what they wanted.  The longer they had been soldiers the more difficult it would be.

Also, she doesn't address the practical side of things.  For example, she shows a foal and a horse being saddled for the first time.  What about picking up their feet, or getting in a trailer?  There are a few things that are "musts" for horses kept in captivity.  It would be wonderful if I lived on a large nature preserve and the horses came here and never had reason to leave, but realistically I have had to move every now and then.  As a trainer and riding instructor I am not sure how this philosophy will affect my training and therefor my business.  I have been urging people to be as gentle as possible and to not use language that puts the horse down (not because they can hear us, but because it creates a negative image of the horse in our mind).

This way of thinking is so different, so completely opposite of what I have been taught and yet so in line with what I think and feel, that it's hard to reconcile everything I've learned with what I do and what I know.  Yet, this point of view and philosophy really resonates with me. When I was working with Bella in the beginning (before I knew about horse training), I couldn't tie her because she would pull back and sit down on the ground, unmoving.  So I would take her in the round pen, start grooming her and then saddle her.  She stood absolutely still the entire time. She accepted me and my approach, for the most part.  Had I known more at the time I could have taken it further, but unfortunately I learned to be a trainer.  I am so thankful for Imke Spilker for bringing me back to where I belong!  Today, I am going out to play with my horses, to simply enjoy their company. 

I am treading a fine line here, of which I am completely aware.  The fine line is between being a horsewoman and a bleeding heart.   In my mind, you can't be both.  A bleeding heart (for the purposes of this blog) is someone who thinks that we should have nothing to do with animals and that we in no way enhance an animal's life by being associated with them.  I am setting myself up to defend the very act of keeping horses, and that's not my purpose right now.  This is really about how we treat them after we all agree that we should have them around...  What follows is my personal opinion only.  If you agree, fantastic. If not, that's ok too.  If I make you angry, you may want to consider where that anger is coming from. 

I used to work with a woman who owned 7 dogs, a cat, 2 birds and 3 horses.  She once looked me in the eye and told me that she thought it was wrong for people to keep animals!  Her dogs all came from rescue organizations and many had "issues" and were difficult to deal with.  She didn't want to take the time to train them.  When I suggested humane means of training (i.e. the clicker), she responded by purchasing shock collars.  In the end I had to agree - people like her should not own animals because they are not willing to take the time to work with them in a humane way. 

Animals, whether dogs, horses, cats or hamsters, all require time just to feed them and clean up after them (obviously).  On top of that, we are keeping these animals for something more, for a connection.  I can honestly say that many of the cats I've had have chosen me.  The last one to arrive, Nemo, was sitting on my lawn near the barn, watching me intently when I first met him.  When I noticed him he ran away, then came back.  I fed him and he has never left.  He can leave whenever he wants to.  Even my horses could leave if they chose, if they were really unhappy.  At least two of them are experts at tearing down barbed-wire fencing and unlocking gates.  They could also jump out if they desired.  I mean, the fence is really just a suggestion.  Occasionally they have gotten out, wandered around the neighborhood and came running back when they saw me looking for them.  When we try to ride down the street they are afraid to go past our property...embarrassing but true!

So, we want a connection with these animals, right?  I was going to say especially women and horses, but men often also want to feel connected to their animals.  Snickers and my husband Doug have a special connection that I don't try to interfere with.  I love it, in fact.  I personally love to ride, love to be around the horses, love it when they come running to the fence.  I would like them to like me.  I don't want them to be afraid of me, and I think they want the same from me.  People who are afraid of animals or other people just make us uncomfortable.  When I first got a horse, I wanted to love that horse and vice verse.  I didn't want to make her into a slave, per say. 

Then I gradually got caught up in methods of training, and rough cowboys (not all cowboys are rough), and rough dressage people, and being "more assertive".  I lost my natural gentleness and the connection to my horse Bella.  Other things also contributed to that, like our being apart for way too long and only being able to see her a few times a month when I used to go see her daily.  I had the connection and lost it!

I lost it because I was learning to train horses and fell into some ways of training that are extremely common and can turn very aggressive and rough.  The thing is, no one thinks of them that way.  I think that people are starting to be more aware of things that are rough, but it's a slow process.  When you have an internationally recognized clinician telling you to do something, you believe in the correctness of that tool.  This is how you deal with horses, it's been done this way for years and years and years, how can it be wrong?  If your gold-medal winning dressage instructor tells you to pull back on the reins for all you're worth, and to keep pulling even when nothing good comes of it, and it feels like you're yanking the horse's jaw off, how can you question them?  It feels wrong, but this person has been given a medal by the USDF.  The next day your arms are sore from pulling and you can't help but wonder if the horse's mouth hurts even worse than your arms!

These little moments creep into your mind and build up over the years.  I kept trying new avenues, new instructors, new methods, new styles of riding.  What it comes down to is how the instructor or trainer thinks, or even if they think!  Many trainers learn their method and then go out and teach  that method and train train train that way all their lives without questioning anything!  And then there are those who pretend to be thinking, like a boss I had who said over and over, "I just can't stand dressage because they hold the reins way too tightly.  THAT'S not horsemanship in my mind!"  Then she would "train" a horse by repeating something, literally, 50 times in one session!  I watched her with a horse who wouldn't pick up a right lead.  She worked that horse on leads only for an hour, making her pick it up over and over and over.  It disgusted me.  I said nothing (this was my boss), no support of her or anything.  I felt cornered and sublimated.  I felt like the horse - having to obey and having no say but feeling completely misunderstood and wronged. 

By the time I worked for the boss I just spoke of, I had seen and tried many things that bothered me.  My boss was the final straw.  She never took me seriously (that's partly my own fault and a topic for another day) and talked down to me.  This is how many people approach horse training.  Clinton Anderson often calls the horses names - "idiot" is the first that comes to mind.  I think he is trying to be funny in a way, to make the horse seem less important.  To not let the horse be intimidating by giving him a derogatory name.  In Mr. Anderson's view, horses are nearly an enemy.  Yes, he does give them a nice rub on the forehead at times, but only after extraordinary effort on the horse's behalf.

There are a few, a very few, horse folk who can train a horse without force.  I have been unearthing them slowly over the years.  Nuno Oliveira was seemingly one, though I have yet to see him start a horse.  His writings and what I have seen of his philosophy and riding is all about tact, however, and the way he sits a horse, so still and so graceful, leaves no doubt in my mind that he accomplished much with little interference on his part.  What that means is he is not working hard, not flapping his arms or sweating or tapping away with his spurs or bouncing in the saddle.  He is like a waiter at a fine restaurant who touches you gently on the elbow, "Sir, would you like another drink?" he asks, very politely and quietly.  That is tact in riding - a gentle touch with the leg and spur, a slight wringing of the reins to bring the horse into collection. 

Then there is Frederic Pignon and Magali Delgado of the horse show Cavalia.  They wrote a book about how they train their horses called Galloping to Freedom. It's all about empowerment and play.  There is a very high level of trust between them and their horses.  I assumed by watching the show that the horses were trained to do certain routines.  They are not!  They are trained to express themselves and to interact with Frederic and Magali.  When they go onstage on any given night, they don't really know what will happen.  I find that refreshing and courageous and beautiful.  That is a true connection with a horse, and that is allowing the horse's expression and joy to become evident. 

I am also reading a book called Empowered Horses by Imke Spilker.  It is a bit long winded, but the essence is important.  It is about how to approach riding, keeping and training horses with a different attitude, much like Pignon and Delgado - playing, allowing the horse expression and choice in what is done each day.  It is difficult for me, even wanting to approach things in this way, not to head out to the arena with an agenda.  It is also difficult to figure out how to play with older horses that are so used to me being the "Master".  That old way of being has to be dismantled first, and no one has suggested how to do that yet. I will keep writing about my experiences, though, in hopes that someone else will benefit from that.  However, clicker training was a great start. 

I have to say something here about the clicker.  I still think it's wonderful and a very useful tool.  However, I also think it's important not to use it as a demand or a "have to" thing.  I think it's easy to fall into the trap of "since I am rewarding you, you'd better do this!".  We have to recognize that we can't ask that.  We can only say "please", and I would like to reward you for doing this.  You also have to clicker train with the attitude of communication being the goal more so than the thing you are training.  You must have understanding of the horse and whether or not they are enjoying something.  Even with a reward not all horses will want to do everything you think they should do.  Know when to stop, know when to change what you are doing.  Don't make it boring, or drawn out.  If they are losing interest in the exercise, it's up to you to change something. 

Communication is a two-way street.  If you want to use the clicker to communicate to them, then you should also listen to what they have to say.  They will communicate back, and if you have ever seriously worked with a horse, you know that they do!

All I am saying here is that there should be much more of a place for gentleness in working with horses.  You will accomplish so much more than if you demand for things to happen and your will find that you develop a deeper connection with your horse.