I haven't been able to "hang out" with my horses for the past few days since we were in Boulder over the weekend.  It didn't stop me from thinking about them, though.  This new way of looking at horses, about what "work" is and about how I think about them. 

It's also about NOT thinking.  For example, not going out to the pasture with an attitude of "you are going to do this, one way or another".  That thought changed in to, "Hi, how are you today?  Want to hang out with me? Would you like a scratch somewhere?"  At first I couldn't imagine that a simple change of agenda would make a difference, but it has.  Somehow they sense that I'm not pushing myself or my ideas on them anymore (not as much anyway).  How do I know this?  They are calmer, they react to me differently by not being afraid, they accept things more easily and when I do want something to happen, it does. 

For example, at feeding time each horse has a rubber tub where I feed them grain.  They get fed in a certain order (no surprise there), but every now and then Luna tries to assert herself, or gets too hungry to wait her turn and messes up the order.  Sometimes she just gets confused.  In any case, it wrecks havoc on feeding time and in the past I've gotten really frustrated with her.  I yell, get assertive (because you are supposed to be assertive, especially when they get uppity) and wave my arms a lot.  Then she gets more freaked out and overreacts too.  It ends up being dangerous and all the horses get riled up.  I decided to start asking her to go to her tub in a calm voice, and she does.  So far, even when she gets confused or seems to want to butt in to another horse's feed tub, I just tell her to go to her tub. 




Luna - "Cause havoc at feeding time? Who ME?"


It seems obvious or silly somehow that this didn't occur to me before.  Maybe it's occurred to other people out there.  The problem is that people learn about horses from other people who "know" horses.  They do what those people do, and often don't check to see if what they are told is really working.  It reminds me of the ranch I worked at.  The property manager was a "horse person".  She had several horses that she used to compete with.  She was the authority and whatever she did, my boss did.  My boss was the barn manager and she was inexperienced with horses when she first started there.  Most of what she learned came from the property manager, I'll call her Pam.  If the horses were running too fast through the trees in the pasture, Pam would yell loudly "Quit!" or something to that effect.  There was absolutely no way to get to the horses and make them stop doing anything.  But she did it, so the barn manager Mary did it.  Every now and then the maintenance guy would stop by, and he would yell too because he heard everyone else yelling.  No one EVER noticed that the horses never stopped running when they were yelled at.  It had zero effect on their behavior, and in reality may have encouraged them to keep running. 

Bella with her winter eyelashes

I'm guilty of doing things like this too.  If I respected a horseman, I copied them.  I copied what they said and how they said it.  Later on I began to be more observant, and noticed that in most cases yelling at a horse had little effect, yet I would still do it at times.  When you yell, scream, get upset and lose it, it scares the horse and he won't trust you as much.  If you are yelling just because you are supposed to, it means even less.  Next time you are working your horse and you feel you should use a loud voice (do you yell when they paw the ground at the tie rail? Do they stop pawing?)  does it have the desired effect?
Granted, I sometimes see farriers use the loud voice technique to great effect.  I think this is because they are men and have that deep imposing voice and know how to use it.  Like when your dad yelled at you as a kid.  He does it once, very loud and very imposing, and the horse stops whatever it's doing. 

In any case, it's worth it not to get sucked in to that mode of communicating.  I used to think that people expected me to carry on and yell and "get after" horse that did something wrong.  Some people do, but that's because they don't know any better and they are following what they've seen other horse people do.  Next time you get the urge to yell at your horse, try asking first.  If they are doing something irritating like pawing at the tie rail, ignore it.  The more you carry on and yell at them to stop, the more they do it (trust me).  The best thing to do is to not untie them until they stop pawing and other wise ignore it.

Geez, I wrote a lot considering nothing happened much this week...!

Last night I watched a movie on OWN, a documentary called "One Lucky Elephant".  It's about a circus owner's search to find a place for his performing elephant to retire.  He bought the elephant as a baby and had someone else "break" her, and then built a circus around her.  It was even named after her.  You get the sense that he really loves this elephant and she loves him back.  There is another handler named Raul, who feeds and trains Flora also.  They show him working with her and it was appallingly obvious to me that he talked down to her.  His commands were harsh and demanding.  The tricks he asked her to do looked painful to watch. 

As I watched the movie, many things became painfully obvious.  How they interacted with the elephant is very similar to things we do to horses.  Horse training (and elephant training as well) are about putting out the fire, not encouraging it.  It's about dominance and making the horse submissive.  Yes, the techniques for that have gotten much gentler over the years, which is generally good, but they are still about dominating the animal, not allowing the animal to be itself.  They have to be what you want them to be.  I will try not to give everything away, but there is a part at the end that describes how baby elephants are trained.  The techniques are all old cowboy training methods (tying up a leg, making them lie down, etc.) and it was hard to watch!  It upset me.  Then the elephant's owner admitted that he didn't like the way the trainer was breaking his "baby", but "that's how it's done, and they have to learn to behave a certain way if they are going to be around people". 

I can't fault this man for thinking that way because I have said the same thing!  The problem is, if you aren't told that there's another way, then you can only do what you are told is "the" way.  Some will argue that you shouldn't accept these things, that you should stand up, etc. etc.  It's not so cut and dried, however. The horse industry is INUNDATED with horse training videos, each one saying that their "method" is better, more gentle, different than the last.  In truth, 98% of them use traditional training theories as their "method".  Some clinicians give credit to the old-timers that taught them, others pretend like they came up with it all on their own.  None of it is really new, and none of it is based on positive reward except clicker training, and only empowering the horse  gives the them a voice and a choice. 

If anyone spends the time to really study each "method" (I don't think most people do, they find a training "guru" and only pay homage to that person) it can take years to sort out what's really going on.  Once I learned about positive vs negative reinforcement it was easy to see that all traditional training methods use negative reinforcement.  That is, "if you don't do this I am going to increase the pressure on you somehow until you do it".  When the horse acts correctly, the punishment stops. The Punishment can be poking them with a finger, using your stick to tap-tap-tap harder and harder, anything irritating or annoying, etc.  They use reward sparingly (the "reward", we are told, is that we stop annoying the horse or whacking it).  Sounds like the way my little brother tried to get what he wanted: "I won't stop punching you until you give me your candy!"

The thing is, most people really don't want to hurt an animal. I believe that Flora's owner, David, truly loved her and she loved him too.  But the way she was trained and worked was so demeaning that it made her angry, I think.  After Flora's retirement a woman came with Raul to visit her. This woman was completely enamored of her, thought she was so beautiful and really wanted to connect with her but sensed that Flora didn't like her. Even so, they rode her and then the woman got off onto a tree branch, and Flora wrapped her trunk around the woman and beat her against the tree.  The woman fell or was thrown to the ground.  She had very serious multiple injuries and was hospitalized.  The interesting part, the part that perhaps we all understand, is what the lady said afterwards, "I didn't feel any pain.  I didn't feel anything but heartbreak."  Wow.  The owner of the elephant sanctuary, Carol Buckley, said that Flora was good example of "All that can go wrong with the best of intentions".   It reminds me of that cartoon of the Abominable Snowman, how he would pick up Daffy Duck or whoever and squeeze the life out of him while saying "I promise to love you and keep you and hold you tight forever and ever!"  Meanwhile, Daffy Duck was dying in his hands.  We love our animals to death, sometimes smothering them and not really understanding them.

Even though we love our animals and try to act with the best of intentions, things that we don't think twice about can also be harmful.  I think that many horse trainers, Clinton Anderson included, don't think that they are doing any harm.  They are taught that you must be brutal or the animal will get the upper hand!  They are dangerous and they can really hurt you and this is what justifies how horses (and other animals) are trained.  While it is true that animals can be dangerous, I tend to think that the way we try to completely control them makes them fight back more than they would otherwise. Other things, like separating babies from mamas before they are really ready, keeping a social animals apart from those of thier kind and other practices are more subtly harmful.  Many people never question what they are taught, or like me, they question it internally and search for another way on their own, while trying to fit in with everyone else.  It took me many long years to find the answer, and now I need the courage to be that way.  Horse society will look down on me, but a few choice souls will understand.

It's time we give the horse a chance, give him the choice to hang out with us and interact, or not.  We have been so sure he's dangerous we haven't looked to see if that's true.  I believe that horses are made dangerous by people, just like elephants.  They get fed up with our "holier than thou" attitude and fight back.  What if we gave them the chance to show us what they can really do, and how wonderful and trustworthy they really are?  I have found the courage to look at horses in a new way (for me), and not let others opinions sway me anymore.  I hope that whoever reads this will take a chance and do the same...  and maybe we  can make a true "horse-man-ship".

What they REALLY want to do...

Visit the website for "One Lucky Elephant"

http://oneluckyelephant.com/

Or the website for Ahali Elephants where Flora now lives:

http://www.africanelephants.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=52&Itemid=1

It's been a few weeks of my empowered horses experiment and things are going well.  Let me explain: I wrote a letter to Imke Spilker, the woman who wrote Empowered Horses.  I told her that I liked the book but after reading it, although I completely agreed with everything she said, I was now very lost.  What do I do with my horses now?  I mean what do we do together?  I had this very profound realization that everything I had previously learned about horses meant nothing.  The rug had been pulled out from under me completely. 

She wrote back, which pleased and surprised me.  She told me that the feelings I had were not only valid, but the first step towards empowerment.  She said that the horses "needed this (my) emptiness, in order to actively express themselves".  That this would give me time to find out what it's like on the other side.  They need to figure out that I have cleared my mind of the past and that the future will be different, that it will include their input. 

I understood what she meant and I also understood that horse people are just as empowered, in her view, as horses are.  We simply need to listen to the horses and ask them what we can do to help them.  This is very difficult for me, as you might imagine.  Yet it's also compelling and secretly what I've always wanted to do. 

So I've stopped all formal training, period. I may go to them with a halter and/or a whip, but I have tried a few different things (yeah, I know, not exactly "doing nothing") like going for a walk and letting the horse lead.  Just scratching them and hanging out with them is also a favorite.  Today I went out about 45 minutes before feeding time and Angel latched on to me.  That doesn't happen very often, so I went into my training pen and she followed, of her own accord.  She had no halter but I had my whip.  I stood like I was lunging and she began to circle me of her own accord, staying a perfect distance away.  I worked on the circling exercise (she doesn't call it that) from the book, encouraging Angel to move her inside hind leg further beneath her body.  We moved at a walk, slowly, on both sides.  At the end she was very affectionate, which she usually is not. She stayed close with me while I went to the others.

Angel, before her evening shower...

I went through the paddock and did the same little exercise with each one, all without a halter (except for Luna, who was nervous - I'll explain later) and all with the others right there.  I only did this little exercise for a few circles each direction.  I was slow, gentle, encouraging but not pushing. 
It felt very different working this way.  The horses all seemed to "get it", to understand that I was changed and was trying to help them.  Am I dreaming that they were complicit or was I trying to fit my old way of working into the new way - was I cheating by asking them for something?  In reality they were completely free (no halter, except Luna) to NOT do.  In fact, Bella opted for dinner and a long hug rather than work.  So I stopped asking immediately. 

Here's the thing - as soon as the horses sensed that I was not going to force the issue (before today, even) and "make" them do things, they freely spoke up.  They haven't been afraid to let me know what they want.  Today I worked with them unhaltered and amongst the other horses, usually a situation that encourages them to ignore you.  But they didn't.   

Tequila, always peeking from the back!

As for Luna, she tends to get tense when I have trained her in the past (due to my own  mistakes), so when she saw me with the whip, she didn't trust my intentions.  I made the decision to use the halter and do the exercise with her so that we could start fresh. Seems counter intuitive, but that was how I chose to approach it. I wanted to let her know my intentions had changed and our "work" would be different.  She seemed more relaxed afterwards, so I count it as a positive exchange. 

Tonight I watched a documentary on OWN called "One Lucky Elephant".  Everything in that movie feeds in to what I have just learned and reinforces to  me that I am doing the right thing. More on that tomorrow)  I need to let go even more, though, let go of "doing" and concentrate on being there, among them.    I feel that they can sense my intentions (or any one's, for that matter) and know that I have changed somehow.  I am now the one waiting, listening, with (hopefully) a beginner's mind and it's the horses' turn to take over and train me.  

Our pond

I have been struggling, for oh so long, with being a horse trainer.   Unlike so many people I didn't have the money to go to Germany, or spend my summers with so-and-so famous trainer cowboy, or even to pay to go to clinics.  I've had to scrounge and learn from the people I had access to.  Since I don't have a "facility", a nice place to give lessons, I go to other people's properties to teach.  It has been, for the most part, an on-the-side kind of business.  I've always wanted to be more, to be able to show and to further my education as far as training and horses in general.  I wanted to have more of a name for myself and to be able to support myself on my horse business. 

Along the way, many things happened that kept me from realizing my dream.  What exactly happened isn't important, but for one reason or another I never got to the level I wanted to and at my age I was feeling regretful of that.  I have never stopped looking for a way to find a mentor, to find someone nearby to work with, but the folks I've run in to just weren't what I was looking for.  The more I kept looking at different training "methods", the more I didn't like what I found.  Clicker training was the first glimmer through the mess of horse training methods.  But I like to keep an open mind and so I kept reading any horse training book that seemed different.  I've already written about the books I've read, namely "Empowered Horses" by Imke Spilker. 

Finally I've reached a point where I feel like there was a purpose behind the procrastination and the missed opportunities.  It was leading me here, to this point in my life, to a point where I can accept that I'm not a trainer and teacher of all kinds of people and actually be thankful for that!  Being a trainer on the level I thought I should be at requires absolute faith and belief that what you are doing is the right way.  I have really never felt that way, obviously, since I have continued to search.  I'm thankful for that little voice inside me that says "keep looking, this isn't it". 

So, I think this is it.  This is it because it requires me to not be in the public eye, or to be teaching all kinds of people, or to have a line of training DVDs.  Once you commit to a way, it's very hard to change your mind and be convincing to your audience, especially after they have bought all your products.  Instead, I feel like I've arrived, that I am "home".  I am free to do what I want with my horses (or, rather, they are free to do what they want and perhaps we can do somethings together), which also means not having to train them relentlessly on a strict schedule.  I had so much guilt and stress trying to find the time to work with them the "way you are supposed to".  I enjoyed clicker training and will probably keep doing that in part.   I'm not going back to the more traditional methods, though.  There has been a mental switch that prevents me from treating horses the way I used to.  I can't do it anymore! 

That doesn't mean that I don't want to be with them, spend time, "work" with them.  It means I am done spending every minute with them "in training".  I'm ready to enjoy them, make friends and have some fun! 

Finally, I am at peace.  I feel like my search for a way to interact with my horses is done.  I am at peace with my horses and that finally, finally I can work on the thing I always wanted to work on - having a relationship with them.  That's what this was all about, how to reach them, how to get closer to them.  Making money at it kind of ruins that.  I was never really that good at the career portion anyway, and it seems like I was never meant for that (I'm actually a shy person, though I do love to teach riding).  I've accepted it, I've accepted me, and I accept my horses the way they are. Perhaps I will teach a few lessons the way I always have, a few folks at a time.  It's so much more meaningful and rewarding that way. 

I sincerely hope that whoever reads this finds their own way with their horses and takes the time to look outside the box once in a awhile.  You may be surprised at what you find...

I wanted to fill you in on how things are going with the empowered horses experiment.  Thanksgiving was last week and the relatives just left, so last week I only had limited time to be with the horses.  I did have a few sessions with them, though and wanted to pass on how it went and what I did. 

First of all, it's difficult to head out to the horses without a plan or a training goal.  It seemed difficult for the horses to figure out what was going on, what they should do, and what I wanted from them.  Since our relationship up to now has all been one-sided, they were looking to me for some kind of guidance.  I assume that it will take some time for us all to come up with a new way of interacting.  To most horse people this line of reasoning may seem weird or pointless, but I see a change in the horses already. 

I have noticed, for example, that there are definitely things that particular horses of mine don't like doing.  Snickers doesn't like being ridden with a bit.  Tequila gets sore from the saddle and until I find a saddle that fits her, she will object to being saddled and ridden.  There are other things, too, that I can't remember at the moment.  So, our interaction is now one-on-one in my little arena (a bit too small for the purpose),  sometimes with a lead.  I have tried taking the lead off because that's the purpose - to allow the horse to be as free as possible while we are together.  I try to play, but this is difficult because I have never played with them before.  There is lots of scratching and moving.  They seem to feel uncomfortable just walking next to me, so that's something I'm looking for to show how well things are changing.  Snickers seemed to want to do his clicker training and even offered some of the things I had taught him, so we did some of those things. He is very smart and I feel that he really wants a connection with someone.  He is not afraid to express himself and to say what he would like. 

Bella, too, was eager to do the clicker exercise of going in the garage.  I backed off even further, though, and did the entire thing without a halter or lead rope.  That way she could do the entire thing without any pressure at all and at her choosing.  She chose when to come in, how far and when to stop.  This is completely opposite of any training method I have ever tried, and it may seem counter-productive.  But here's the thing - both Snickers and Bella chose to do the exercises we had already been doing.  It makes me feel good to know that that work was fun and enjoyable to them, and they found a purpose in it, too.  That's the best feeling!

The goal is to allow them a voice, a chance to interact with me in a way they choose, to play, to relax and perhaps in the end to work together.  We'll see what happens. 

I just finished reading, in its entirety, Empowered Horses by Imke Spilker.  This book is about a new way to "work" with horses, a different way to interact.  It's about looking at things from the horse's point of view and giving them the respect they deserve. I think most trainers would say that they already do this.  I think that most of us like to think that we are being gentle, or that our horse likes what we do, that they like us.  We like to think that whatever "method" we learned in the beginning of our training career is the right one and we don't question that.  Then there are some of us who never stop questioning, and I'm not ashamed to say that's ME.  I have never stopped asking myself some pointed questions along the way.  Little things I've seen over the years have bothered me and so I tucked them away in the corner of my mind, and yes, while following whatever method I was using at the time.

Getting back to the book, it may be difficult for many horse people to digest and to change their thinking after reading it.  The author is a German woman who it seems already owned horses and decided (I am still not sure if it was for a project at school or for herself) to start a horse communications project.  The point being to try to communicate with the horse.  Not at the horse but with the horse, meaning there is a two-way conversation.  Meaning that the horse has a say.  The only goal was to find a way to communicate openly. 

Many of us may think we already do this, but we do not.  If we go to the pasture and can't catch our horse, does anyone think about why their horse doesn't want to be caught?  Many beginners have said to me, "I can't catch my horse, does he not like me?  Does he really want to be ridden?"  I said what I was taught to say, "Oh, it's just a game they play, they are testing you.  Once you let them know you won't put up with that they will come to you."  In reality, what are they really saying?  I had finally graduated to my horses standing still in the pasture when I went to catch them.  After starting clicker training it went to the entire herd running to the training pen to wait their turn when they realized we were doing clicker training.  That made it perfectly clear how my previous training was not enjoyable for them.


Just like the other book I've read recently, Galloping to Freedom, by Frederic Pignon and Magali Delgado, Spilker is a huge proponent of playing games with horses.  Games that stress equality, fun, being free spirited, and rhythmic movement.  The games develop, if the horse wishes, into what we call "work", in Spilker's realm it's really collection and helping the horse to move in such a way that they are beautiful and efficient.  She provides an excellent example of what collection is and how it comes about from work on a circle. 

The thing is, the horses do the work of their own accord! The person is merely a "tutor" as she says, a person who aids the horse in finding its base of support and its "magic spot" where the center of gravity shifts back.  Once the horse understands this it can choose whether to move forward or not.  What Spilker found, however, was that they not only want to, they practice on their own!  They become addicted in a sense to this new, easier, more beautiful way of moving.  This is because horses love movement, it is the center of their being. 

The person helps the horse with aids, aids that the horse truly accepts, understands and envelopes.  The horses are ridden, many times bareback, but only if they want to be ridden.  You may think that if a horse is allowed so much freedom it would choose not to carry someone, but according to Spilker, they do.  They allow riders because a mutual relationship has developed of equality, friendship, trust, and two-way communication.

If some of these words sound familiar, that's because so many trainers use them without really thinking about whether or not they are true.  I recently went to talk with a local trainer who told me his methods were very gentle.  However they were the same as every other trainer's, that is, he used mainly thin twisted wire snaffles, he was aggressive and dominant and insisted on the horse following through.  All my life I have been told that I'm not aggressive enough, that I had to be dominant, that I had to bend the horse to my will.  I never liked that way of training but two things kept me from going against it:  one, I am naturally a gentle and empathic person, so I thought I had a character flaw that prevented me from being a really good trainer.  Two, there seemed to be no other alternative to what I'd been taught. 

To be fair, I do have a few criticisms of the book and the "method". The book itself is very philosophical and not especially practical.  There are no real suggestions on how to take your 15 year old horse that you have trained using whatever method, say modern dressage (German), and then convincing your horse that you won't be doing THAT anymore in favor of this empowerment method.  The problem is, if I were a general and my horse a soldier, it would be like telling the soldiers that they are now free and they can do whatever they want. In the presence of the general they might feel encumbered or inhibited.  It would take some doing to convince them that they were indeed free to do what they wanted.  The longer they had been soldiers the more difficult it would be.

Also, she doesn't address the practical side of things.  For example, she shows a foal and a horse being saddled for the first time.  What about picking up their feet, or getting in a trailer?  There are a few things that are "musts" for horses kept in captivity.  It would be wonderful if I lived on a large nature preserve and the horses came here and never had reason to leave, but realistically I have had to move every now and then.  As a trainer and riding instructor I am not sure how this philosophy will affect my training and therefor my business.  I have been urging people to be as gentle as possible and to not use language that puts the horse down (not because they can hear us, but because it creates a negative image of the horse in our mind).

This way of thinking is so different, so completely opposite of what I have been taught and yet so in line with what I think and feel, that it's hard to reconcile everything I've learned with what I do and what I know.  Yet, this point of view and philosophy really resonates with me. When I was working with Bella in the beginning (before I knew about horse training), I couldn't tie her because she would pull back and sit down on the ground, unmoving.  So I would take her in the round pen, start grooming her and then saddle her.  She stood absolutely still the entire time. She accepted me and my approach, for the most part.  Had I known more at the time I could have taken it further, but unfortunately I learned to be a trainer.  I am so thankful for Imke Spilker for bringing me back to where I belong!  Today, I am going out to play with my horses, to simply enjoy their company. 

I am treading a fine line here, of which I am completely aware.  The fine line is between being a horsewoman and a bleeding heart.   In my mind, you can't be both.  A bleeding heart (for the purposes of this blog) is someone who thinks that we should have nothing to do with animals and that we in no way enhance an animal's life by being associated with them.  I am setting myself up to defend the very act of keeping horses, and that's not my purpose right now.  This is really about how we treat them after we all agree that we should have them around...  What follows is my personal opinion only.  If you agree, fantastic. If not, that's ok too.  If I make you angry, you may want to consider where that anger is coming from. 

I used to work with a woman who owned 7 dogs, a cat, 2 birds and 3 horses.  She once looked me in the eye and told me that she thought it was wrong for people to keep animals!  Her dogs all came from rescue organizations and many had "issues" and were difficult to deal with.  She didn't want to take the time to train them.  When I suggested humane means of training (i.e. the clicker), she responded by purchasing shock collars.  In the end I had to agree - people like her should not own animals because they are not willing to take the time to work with them in a humane way. 

Animals, whether dogs, horses, cats or hamsters, all require time just to feed them and clean up after them (obviously).  On top of that, we are keeping these animals for something more, for a connection.  I can honestly say that many of the cats I've had have chosen me.  The last one to arrive, Nemo, was sitting on my lawn near the barn, watching me intently when I first met him.  When I noticed him he ran away, then came back.  I fed him and he has never left.  He can leave whenever he wants to.  Even my horses could leave if they chose, if they were really unhappy.  At least two of them are experts at tearing down barbed-wire fencing and unlocking gates.  They could also jump out if they desired.  I mean, the fence is really just a suggestion.  Occasionally they have gotten out, wandered around the neighborhood and came running back when they saw me looking for them.  When we try to ride down the street they are afraid to go past our property...embarrassing but true!

So, we want a connection with these animals, right?  I was going to say especially women and horses, but men often also want to feel connected to their animals.  Snickers and my husband Doug have a special connection that I don't try to interfere with.  I love it, in fact.  I personally love to ride, love to be around the horses, love it when they come running to the fence.  I would like them to like me.  I don't want them to be afraid of me, and I think they want the same from me.  People who are afraid of animals or other people just make us uncomfortable.  When I first got a horse, I wanted to love that horse and vice verse.  I didn't want to make her into a slave, per say. 

Then I gradually got caught up in methods of training, and rough cowboys (not all cowboys are rough), and rough dressage people, and being "more assertive".  I lost my natural gentleness and the connection to my horse Bella.  Other things also contributed to that, like our being apart for way too long and only being able to see her a few times a month when I used to go see her daily.  I had the connection and lost it!

I lost it because I was learning to train horses and fell into some ways of training that are extremely common and can turn very aggressive and rough.  The thing is, no one thinks of them that way.  I think that people are starting to be more aware of things that are rough, but it's a slow process.  When you have an internationally recognized clinician telling you to do something, you believe in the correctness of that tool.  This is how you deal with horses, it's been done this way for years and years and years, how can it be wrong?  If your gold-medal winning dressage instructor tells you to pull back on the reins for all you're worth, and to keep pulling even when nothing good comes of it, and it feels like you're yanking the horse's jaw off, how can you question them?  It feels wrong, but this person has been given a medal by the USDF.  The next day your arms are sore from pulling and you can't help but wonder if the horse's mouth hurts even worse than your arms!

These little moments creep into your mind and build up over the years.  I kept trying new avenues, new instructors, new methods, new styles of riding.  What it comes down to is how the instructor or trainer thinks, or even if they think!  Many trainers learn their method and then go out and teach  that method and train train train that way all their lives without questioning anything!  And then there are those who pretend to be thinking, like a boss I had who said over and over, "I just can't stand dressage because they hold the reins way too tightly.  THAT'S not horsemanship in my mind!"  Then she would "train" a horse by repeating something, literally, 50 times in one session!  I watched her with a horse who wouldn't pick up a right lead.  She worked that horse on leads only for an hour, making her pick it up over and over and over.  It disgusted me.  I said nothing (this was my boss), no support of her or anything.  I felt cornered and sublimated.  I felt like the horse - having to obey and having no say but feeling completely misunderstood and wronged. 

By the time I worked for the boss I just spoke of, I had seen and tried many things that bothered me.  My boss was the final straw.  She never took me seriously (that's partly my own fault and a topic for another day) and talked down to me.  This is how many people approach horse training.  Clinton Anderson often calls the horses names - "idiot" is the first that comes to mind.  I think he is trying to be funny in a way, to make the horse seem less important.  To not let the horse be intimidating by giving him a derogatory name.  In Mr. Anderson's view, horses are nearly an enemy.  Yes, he does give them a nice rub on the forehead at times, but only after extraordinary effort on the horse's behalf.

There are a few, a very few, horse folk who can train a horse without force.  I have been unearthing them slowly over the years.  Nuno Oliveira was seemingly one, though I have yet to see him start a horse.  His writings and what I have seen of his philosophy and riding is all about tact, however, and the way he sits a horse, so still and so graceful, leaves no doubt in my mind that he accomplished much with little interference on his part.  What that means is he is not working hard, not flapping his arms or sweating or tapping away with his spurs or bouncing in the saddle.  He is like a waiter at a fine restaurant who touches you gently on the elbow, "Sir, would you like another drink?" he asks, very politely and quietly.  That is tact in riding - a gentle touch with the leg and spur, a slight wringing of the reins to bring the horse into collection. 

Then there is Frederic Pignon and Magali Delgado of the horse show Cavalia.  They wrote a book about how they train their horses called Galloping to Freedom. It's all about empowerment and play.  There is a very high level of trust between them and their horses.  I assumed by watching the show that the horses were trained to do certain routines.  They are not!  They are trained to express themselves and to interact with Frederic and Magali.  When they go onstage on any given night, they don't really know what will happen.  I find that refreshing and courageous and beautiful.  That is a true connection with a horse, and that is allowing the horse's expression and joy to become evident. 

I am also reading a book called Empowered Horses by Imke Spilker.  It is a bit long winded, but the essence is important.  It is about how to approach riding, keeping and training horses with a different attitude, much like Pignon and Delgado - playing, allowing the horse expression and choice in what is done each day.  It is difficult for me, even wanting to approach things in this way, not to head out to the arena with an agenda.  It is also difficult to figure out how to play with older horses that are so used to me being the "Master".  That old way of being has to be dismantled first, and no one has suggested how to do that yet. I will keep writing about my experiences, though, in hopes that someone else will benefit from that.  However, clicker training was a great start. 

I have to say something here about the clicker.  I still think it's wonderful and a very useful tool.  However, I also think it's important not to use it as a demand or a "have to" thing.  I think it's easy to fall into the trap of "since I am rewarding you, you'd better do this!".  We have to recognize that we can't ask that.  We can only say "please", and I would like to reward you for doing this.  You also have to clicker train with the attitude of communication being the goal more so than the thing you are training.  You must have understanding of the horse and whether or not they are enjoying something.  Even with a reward not all horses will want to do everything you think they should do.  Know when to stop, know when to change what you are doing.  Don't make it boring, or drawn out.  If they are losing interest in the exercise, it's up to you to change something. 

Communication is a two-way street.  If you want to use the clicker to communicate to them, then you should also listen to what they have to say.  They will communicate back, and if you have ever seriously worked with a horse, you know that they do!

All I am saying here is that there should be much more of a place for gentleness in working with horses.  You will accomplish so much more than if you demand for things to happen and your will find that you develop a deeper connection with your horse.

The other day I was driving down I-70 and I had this AHA moment.  Just like on Oprah.  I'll tell you what it is, and I know that anyone who is on a spiritual journey or has watched Oprah a lot will have heard what I'm about to say.  The thing is, that I have too, however this time it kind of sunk in.  Like WOW,  I get it! 

Here's what happened.  I was listening to a book and the character in the book was a  female judge.  She is older, her kids have left and she is having problems with her marriage.  I was thinking, "Wow, she should be happy to have a career that she can feel good about and have kids that grew up OK", etc.  Right now my "career" isn't really going forward, at least that's what I feel.  I have no children of my own, but I have step children which I love.  I have no job at all but my marriage is great.   I was reflecting on how this character's "problems" with her husband were minor and they could just sit down and work things out, and she really didn't have any problems she was just making them up. 

That's when it hit me... she made up her own problems!   Now, whether you agree with me that the character made up her problems or not, it was the realization that I was doing the same thing!  I have heard, in many different ways and from various people that "we create our own problems".  In my mind I took that to mean that the problems themselves are real and it's your fault they exist.  Not the same thing at all.  No, it's more like you are viewing this as a "problem" and you don't have to.

The difference is, I was getting all upset about something that I really don't have to see as an issue.  I wish I was further along in my career, I wish I had done more horse shows and clinics and things like that, but not having any money for that I was lucky to have a horse, much less do anything expensive with her.  I have had set-backs in my life which entered right about the time my career started.  Horse careers are not like the careers of electrical engineers or software designers or business managers.  You have to make your own way and I have always felt that I should be further along, but finding the right teacher has been extremely difficult.  I do not want to learn the train horses the traditional way, either in dressage or western.  That is a story for another day, however.  The point is, I have been beating myself up about where I am in my horse career and I finally realized that I couldn't do much more than I've done due to my circumstances.  My only real "problem" is finding the right teacher.  I have faith that that person will come along at some point in my future and teach me the things that I have been dying to learn. 

Until then, there's no problem.  I keep practicing and learning what I can from DVDs and books and from the horses.  At least I have horses, at least I have discovered that there is another way, and that there are people who teach it. 

I think that many times the things you read about in spiritual books sound plausible, or kind of like common sense.  "Oh yes, we create all our own problems..." but truly understanding what that means comes on a different level.  You have to somehow put it in perspective in your own head before it means anything to you.  I have read many many things that I think make sense only to realize that I didn't understand at all.  I couldn't, at that moment, because I wasn't in the right place.  Or sometimes it's easy to understand those things about other people, but you can't see it in yourself.  I can always find someone who is creating their own problems.  So what, that doesn't help me!  In a selfish kind of way, it's better to stop looking at how other people do things like that and look at how I do that.  The cool thing is when it happens to you and the realization hits you full on and there's no going back.  Now you know this and you aren't who you were 20 minutes ago.  You have changed with this knowledge because it affects your soul and your knowing on a level that you've never felt before.  And there are no problems!

Finally, I am writing about the thing that I have been trying to write about for a long time.  I have no idea why it has taken me this long to write any of this.  I guess I felt that an explanation was needed, a history of how I arrived at this end.  Maybe it's just because so many horse people around me are of the opposite feeling about how to train horses that the tendency to defend my views becomes more important than the facts. 

In reality it's very simple;  I am tired of being something I'm not.  I am not overly assertive, aggressive or hard.  I don't like the "do this now" school of horse training.  I have expressed my respect for Clinton Anderson, but in reality his method of training is more like a battle.  Actually it's more like boot camp for horses.  The things he says to them (which I can't remember offhand but he said things like "he's a monster" or something similar) are always negative.  He is always having to protect himself because the horse might do something to harm him.  I finally wondered - why?  Horses can hurt you, it's true, however since I changed my training methods I have only had cooperation and have never felt safer. 

Horses are flighty and young horses spook and are afraid of things, for sure.  In my world this is where the danger lies.  If you are working with your horse in a positive way, in a way that they enjoy, the danger of them coming after you or striking out is very low.  They have begun to understand what I am asking for.  They have started to ask for training time, not to avoid it.  They get upset when I don't work with them.  We have fun!  I am trying to get them to "play", to spend time together with me that is purely time just to "be".       Some of you will scoff right here and sign off.  I dare you to keep reading.  I dare you to reconsider how you look at your horses and how you train them. 

So many people want a relationship with their horses, not the least because many horse owners are women and women crave connection.  I think men also crave a connection but they don't talk about it.  Then there are men like Nuno Oliveira.  For everyone who follows a western style clinician, for everyone who believes that dressage must be done with a tight rein (or a tight contact), for everyone who is constantly fighting with their horse to accomplish things, please look up Nuno Oliveira.  There are others, but the way he rides is such a pleasure to watch it will move you.  If you belong to Giddyupflix.com you can rent several DVDs about him that show him riding.  Sadly, he has passed away as has his son, Joao who was also very good. 

These videos inspire me and show that the ultimate is possible - riding a horse as an art form.  Not as a submissive, obedient soldier who acts without brilliance but a horse that dances with it's own joy.  The horses he rides float effortlessly, dancing in piaffe and passage with true action.  They pick their feet up in rhythm and grace.  They make the last  Olympic competitors look dull and mechanical.  I'm sure that there are other horse people out there that have noticed the lack of true grace in those "German" trained dressage horses.  It's not pretty to watch because it's too labored.

I recently watched the DVD "Nuno Oliveira - 20 Years Later".  I have watched it several times now and have taken notes.  I have also just read Galloping to Freedom" by Magali Delgado and Frederic Pignon which advocates "empowered horsemanship".  I feel as if I have finally come home to the training I've always wanted to do.  The kind of training that brings pleasure to the horse and the rider.  The kind of training that allows the horse to be all he can be. 

I took copious notes, and combined with clicker training I have tried to implement the things I've learned.  It's difficult to find one's way without a teacher so I improvise.  I hope to find someone to teach me this kind of riding...there are a few of them out there, I know, just not in Colorado.   In any case, my goal is to ride in lightness, Le Legerte, as they call it.  Phillipe Karl and several other Europeans teach this, and someone back east.  It is the "French school of lightness" and it stems from Baucher, the shunned Master.  His name is like a bad word among the German method proponents.  When I first read about him and tried to find a teacher, a local woman urged me to come to her barn to discuss things.  She was rude, abrasive and a horrible teacher.  Needless to say she completely disagreed with me.  That only made me want to learn it more.

Now I feel my way, using the horses as my teachers.  I have started over with Angel and Snickers, using as light of a cue as I can to get a response.  The aids should get lighter and lighter Oliveira says, and that makes sense.  If you find that your cues are getting stronger and stronger, then there is a problem! 

So, here is what has happened so far.  Angel has reacted very well and I am able to use very little rein to get her to stop, back and bend.  I have also begun to pay attention to my leg cues, to be as soft as I can and get a response and to use them less each time.  And it works!  She responds to so much less than I ever realized!  It feels so much easier, effortless.  I feel like a Master (I know very well I am not, but to give you an idea of the response from her). 

Snickers, however, has been fed up with me for a long time, I now realize.  He hates the bit (he was in a hackamore as was Angel when we got him).  There have been some problems with bridling him and he has been very difficult to bridle when there's a bit.  It takes him awhile to allow it in his mouth.  Twice I have ridden him "the new way", and twice it has been a bit frustrating.  I am being patient, however.  It's only fair that he expresses himself now that he is allowed.  He hates turning left, and if you so much as pull the rein to the left, lightly or not, he pulls hard right.  Using a very light touch and the clicker I think I have made headway.  I need to convince him that I won't pull hard on him anymore.  In the past when I ride him I spend the first 15 minutes fighting with him, trying to get him to go straight and respond to the bit.  I have to pull very hard and be very insistent. 

Until he develops trust in me we will keep going in circles to the right for awhile.  I can't say that I blame him, though.  I have tried many methods on him, including the "Clinton" methods.  He didn't respond - at all.  He is very smart and craves a relationship where he is seen in all his intelligence and glory.   I understand that now and I see him acting in a very different way already.  I have a lot of hope and I am willing to be patient.

I also worked with Tequila.  I have worked all five of my horses with the clicker for about 8 weeks solid, doing nothing but ground work with the clicker.  They really enjoyed this and began to show me a new side of themselves.  Tequila has always been kind of rebellious and strong.  She is the kind of horse that the average western trainer would say needed lots of correction.  She is a bad girl, they think.  But she also has a soft side - she likes to give hugs, she likes attention.  She likes being touched in the right way...  she get irritated when she isn't handled with confidence.  When being saddled she moves away just as you reach for the girth.  She is hard to mount because she gets nervous and again moves away.  Riding her was, to put it honestly, a pain in the butt.  Once on she would trot very fast and not listen to the bit at all.  Trainers say that these things disappear when you start riding them.  But they really didn't.

So I started over with the clicker.  The more we worked on the ground the calmer she got . She still has days where she is apparently "PMS-ing" and is kind of nasty.  But the other day I got her out, groomed her, got her relaxed and put on the saddle with very little trouble.  I mounted her with only a little trouble.  I rode her in the pen, not in the pasture, and this seemed to calm her.  I could get on and let her run as much as she wanted without putting any pressure on the reins. She began to walk much sooner than usual.  I used only the lightest pressure that would get a response, and she responded.  She was relaxed, she listened and she was calm.  I loved every minute!

All I can say is that I feel safer, my horses are so much happier and the response is wonderful.  It works and it gets me closer to the goal of riding in lightness.  The next challenge is to get Angel to carry herself...

If you read this far, thank you!  If you still don't believe what I'm telling you, think about it, try it, and do some research.

I woke up late again, not that it really matters.  I am not working right now, there is no real schedule except what I set for myself.  However, before I become a complete couch potato I decided to get control over myself and wake up earlier in the morning.  More like 7 am instead of 8:30 am.  So, on this particular day I woke up at 8:30. Again.  I am not happy with myself!

I am still tired although I slept late, and when I go to turn out the horses, I feel lazy. I need to put fly masks on them first, though, which is not a big deal except for Bella.  Let me back track here.  I have owned Bella for about 12 years and during that time she has always had issues with her head, and more specifically her ears.  She came with an old injury on her forehead, a deep crease in the bone.  I am not sure if this has caused her to have headaches, eye problems, or just gave her a general fear of things near her head.  Or perhaps it was a string of unfortunate things that happened when I first got her and tried to bridle her (once when I was putting on the bridle someone made a really loud noise which freaked her out and similar such incidences).  In any case, the traditional methods of working through it only made it worse, much worse.

My last try was a year or two ago when I diligently tried what I call the "rub it out" method.  Just keep touching her head until she gives in.  She didn't give in, really.  I mean, yes, I could have stood out there for hours until she gave in, but we weren't getting anywhere. And yes I was being gentle and going slow but it was only getting worse so I stopped.

Then, of course, I discovered clicker training.  At first I was merely hopeful but when I used the method on Bella's infamous head shying problem, she responded very quickly.  Delightfully quickly.  Then she wounded herself in almost the same spot as the previous injury on her forehead.  Great, I thought.  I will never be able to touch it, but after a few days with the clicker, I could.  My neighbor was watching my horses and she was even able to doctor the wound.  Wow. 

I started to work with her some more to have her accept a fly mask.  So far so good.  I never put it on all the way, I just worked on it for a few days and then we left on vacation.  So here we are, mid-summer and the flies are horrendous.  I really want to put the mask on Bella, so I worked with her for a few days and it went really well. 

Here we are, back to that particular morning when I woke up late.  Normally I take the masks out to the pen and just before opening the gate I put masks on everyone.  I really feel too tired (lazy) to take Bella back to the tie rail and use the clicker to put on the fly mask.  It went so well the previous few days, perhaps...perhaps... just maybe...she would be nice and let me put it on without all the preparation.  Ha ha. HA.

I hold it up to her face and she jerks back.  Of course she does.  So very few days of training doesn't easily erase so many years of a deep-set problem.  I tuck the mask into my pocket.  She looks at me, like my mother would look at me, as if to say, "Cari, you know better."  I open the gate and she flies out, head high.  She could have let me put it on her, but I blew it.  I didn't ask right.

Patience. 

What does flood irrigation have to do with horse training, you ask?  Well, everything... If we don't irrigate our pasture, there IS no pasture.  We technically live in an arid high desert that we deny desperately by capturing spring runoff into reservoirs around the area and redistributing it carefully to the farmers and ranchers in the valley.  The water is distributed through a network of ditches and pumps to head gates where it is divided even further to each property that gets a share.  We are responsible for getting the water from the head gate to our property and thereby have the right to follow the ditch through anyone's property it happens to flow.  This is really not a big deal. 




Just before we started irrigating.  You can see the ditches as lines of green grass from water that had come through briefly.

 However, it is also not as easy as it sounds.  You must maintain the ditch by whatever means necessary: digging, burning, putting in culverts, etc. You alone are responsible for making sure that it is divided up properly at the head gate (sometimes lazy neighbors assume all the water is theirs and will block your ditch).  So just when things get flowing nicely, the ditch suddenly runs dry and you have to stomp through three pastures of tall grass to find out why.  One time a gopher or some other such creature dug all the way through our ditch into another one nearby, causing our water to leak into the other ditch.  The longer it went on, the bigger the hole got.  Doug finally figured out why we were losing water, but it was quite frustrating.



A "new" ditch that had to be dug out this year


When we first moved into this house, no one had used the irrigation "system" for several years.  The ditches were ghostly impressions like faint remembrances of ancient roads.  Others were overgrown.  The ground was very dry and extremely hard - you had to wait for the water to come to start digging anything.  We did not have any kind of power equipment, either.  So we dug, and dug and dug.  Every ditch on the property has been re-dug at some point.  We had no idea what we were doing, really.  We had to learn as we went along.  Here is what we learned:

1.You must have a HIGH rate of flow in order for the water to get where it needs to go.
2. It is a system of subtlety:  little things make a huge difference, like a straight ditch.
3. It does work, but sprinklers would be SO much easier!
4. Doug should not be involved in the irrigation process.
5. Be patient, work hard and it will pay off wonderfully.
6. People have been watering their fields like this for hundreds of thousands of years.  Why are we STILL doing it this way?
7. Horses like to eat short grass (this will be important later).a




Horses eating the short grass on recently irrigated pasture



Now, with 4 or 5 years of irrigating under our belt it is much easier but still requires effort.  I take care of it, in lieu of a garden.  It has occurred to me to plant the vegetables in the pasture... however the horse would probably ruin it.  We usually wait until July to irrigate, then it goes on for a month.  I move my gates every few days, once the ground is thoroughly soaked through.  There is something incredibly satisfying about seeing the grass turn green so quickly and grow finally.  The dead parts of the pasture come to life.  If you stand out at the end of the ditch you can actually hear the water seeping into the ground, bubbling and creeping down.  Many of our neighbors have giant sprinkler systems that only have to be moved every now and then, but it is a very expensive system to set up.  Usually it is only worth the money if you are growing hay to sell.  Or you have gone completely bonkers digging ditches.




One of our original ditches...note how it is not straight





An irrigation gate - the top off a metal drum which fits perfectly across the ditch

 Behind the water comes a small but temporary ecosystem of plants, insects and other creatures.  There is a beautiful green and yellow frog that I sometimes see, and garden snakes and birds.  Of course there are mosquitoes and flies and ants displaced.  They make this kind of hum that sounds like the earth coming to life.  It may sound awful to city folk, or those of you who don't like the outdoors, but to me it means that life is returning.




Nemo is also happy about irrigating!

 Although the work is sometimes frustrating, it is oddly addicting too.  Between years the ditches fill in some with grass and other plants (that's where all the water is, after all) and horse manure.  When it rains the pasture becomes soft and the horses slide through the mud and destroy the sides of the ditches.  So there is always the need to dig something and make it better.  The water should be flowing faster, I think, and I dig and make dams and change this or that. You work without knowing how long you've been at it. In the early days I was out there for hours and hours. But when you work for awhile and look up to see the water rushing over the ground like the Colorado River, you get this burst of joy. It was worth it, the very thirsty ground will have water!  When it's time to switch over to another pasture and the ditch in the main pasture goes dry, there is this funny little sadness that comes with it.  No water here anymore, we are all done.


Here you can see the very green pasture on the left and the brown pasture in the foreground.

 When it is all done and the water is turned off there is relief and then also sadness again.  You hope that everything stays growing long enough to get to October, perhaps even November depending on the weather.  That will feed our horses for many months.

It's not what you think.  At least it wasn't supposed to be.  I named her "Tequila" for her color, in an odd moment of enthusiasm.  The thing is, she has really lived up to her name.  Would things have been different if I'd named her "Easy Susy"?  The world will never know.  She is and will always be Tequila.  Yee HAW!!!

Tequila can buck VERY well.  She kicks those back legs up like a champ.  She can also have an attitude, like a cheap brand of Tequila.  When I first started to train her to be saddled, she would get really nasty.  She would bite at me and  when I got after her, she always looked contrite.  So I would pat her neck.  And she would bite me again. Talk about rubbing salt in your wound! 

A friend of mine was helping me with her.  My friend was younger and sort of cocky.  She had just trained a stallion and she felt pretty good about it.  I understood her new-found confidence and also realized that she would meet a horse that would better her.  Like Tequila was bettering me.  The cockiness would disappear on it's own.  Like mine.

I had adopted Tequila at two years old from the BLM.  She was completely wild but with the help of another trainer we got her halter broke and then I worked with her on the ground. She learned to be groomed and to lunge.  She has always been touchy about her body and I think I have finally conquered her last touchy spot.  She is now 12.  She knows her ground work perfectly.  In fact with her, it seemed like the longer between our sessions the harder she tried and the better she remembered.  At least with groundwork...

Things started out pretty well.  I was able to work with her regularly. Then things fell apart.  I got divorced and had no time to work any of my horses.  She got groundwork sporadically for a few years and the issues with saddling only served to put me off. She has a rather long back and short legs, making her look a bit like a buckskin Dachshund.  I figured that her attitude about the saddle might be due to a physical problem and so I thought I'd enlist the help of my cocky friend who I'll call "Lynn". 

Lynn had taken a weekend course in Equine massage therapy.  I don't think she'd had much experience really massaging various horses, but I wanted to give her a chance to do her thing.  Before I say anything else, let me just say that I was feeling terribly guilty about not having been able to work with Tequila more.  She was now about 6 and long due to be ridden.  As I went into her pen to catch her she shouldered me and I let her.  I allowed it because I felt guilty and I thought that I should be "nice" to her to make up for it.  None of this was obvious to me, though, until Lynn said, "She is really taking advantage of you.  She's pushing you around." 

She might as well have stabbed me in the heart.  "NO!" I thought.  I would never let a horse do that... Embarrassment flooded through me but when I came to, the facts were laid bare.  Yes, Tequila was pushing me around like a punching bag.  Yes, her mom had allowed it.  Lynn was right, though I had a very hard time admitting it to her. 

My interactions with Tequila began to consume me.  What else had she been doing?  Well, for one she liked to bite me when being saddled.  It really pissed me off, though.  It pissed me off so much that I didn't want to deal with her.  Why the anger?  As it turns out, Tequila is the horse equivalent of my brother.  My brother would often be mean to me, then act as if he were sorry and then he would come at me again even meaner than before.  He baited me to keep coming back for more.  I stood in the barn one evening saddling Tequila, determined to get her to accept the saddle without being a brat.  I cried and then stood there looking at her.   That's when  the pattern, the same pattern that defined my brother, became obvious.  I threw my arms around Tequila's neck and cried. 

In that moment something happened.  The breakthrough wasn't all mine.  Somehow, when I hugged her like that all the anger I felt melted away.  I wasn't mad at her, it was all anger at my brother.  Wow.  That day I like to think that I forgave her and she forgave me.  From that point on, no more guilt and no more letting her get away with pushing me around.  Our relationship changed. 

Tequila taught me that so often we treat our own horses differently than other people's horses.  If you are a trainer, it is easier to look at a clients horse more objectively.  My own poor horse, left at home to wait for me, became my psychological enemy in a sense.  My own issues overshadowed the training, unfortunately.  But the good thing was that I listened to Lynn, and realized the truth of what she was saying.  Thanks to her I was able to move forward with Tequila.  Today things are much better but she is still a tough cookie to work with.  More on that later... The important thing is that I don't let my personal guilt get in the way. 

Thank you,Tequila,for being my therapist!

This week some friends came up, two teenage girls and a mom.  They wanted to ride the horses which I enthusiastically encouraged. One girl thought she could handle anything and had ridden before, the other one had never been around horses but had an interest (not the 'horse crazy' variety), and the mom loves horses but hadn't ridden since she was a girl. 

My initial feeling was that the situation could turn bad with the two girls pretty quickly, so I was maintaining heavy control from the start.  I had confidence in my horses, Snickers and Angel, as I had been schooling them fairly regularly and had plenty of notice that everyone was coming to ride.

Here is how things turned out:

Fearless teen rode first on Snickers.  She was a good rider though not particularly knowledgeable. She was confident, though, made even more so by the presence of the other girl who was very shy.  After a bit of instruction she was off and running, confidently riding out his giant trot across the pasture.  I put the other girl on Angel with a lunge line.  She was not too sure of all this but after about 20 minutes she agreed to try walking around off the lunge line.  It went well until I sent her towards the fence.  When she got to the fence and turned around, Angel started trotting for home.  I was able to talk her down and got her to stop Angel before things got dangerous but it scared her.  She wasn't really enjoying it much.

Then I put the mom on Angel and she did really well, but  Angel was nervous and too quick.  I could tell that she was somewhat confused by the beginners and didn't feel comfortable.  With some instruction the mom was able to have a good ride on her and did a really good job of listening to me and doing what I said.  Whew!  Since the second girl wasn't feeling confident I didn't have to worry about the two girls galloping across the pasture and getting dumped somewhere while I yell "slow down" to no avail...

All of this reminded me of a few things.  One, that riding takes skill, actually skillS.  There are so many things you must do at once to make it appear smooth, regular and in control.  Even more skills to do the turns, shoulder-ins, etc.  Plus our pasture is dotted with small trees, about knee-high making riding a challenge at times. And ditches, yes, lots of small ditches and long grass, and POOP.  I suddenly realized that although I enjoy riding Angel and Snickers, it actually takes a lot of riding to get them to do what I want.  I am always comparing them to last week, last month, last year.  They keep improving but not enough for a beginner to feel comfortable on. 

In my mind, since Angel isn't rearing straight up and Snickers isn't turning back to the barn every other stride (I am NOT exaggerating!) that they are REALLY GOOD.  So this weekend was a wake-up call for me and for them too.  I think my horses appreciate me more now... I hope. 

The other thing I realized is that I am better than I think sometimes.  It's easy to get down on yourself, especially if you don't compete.  I have no way of knowing how far I've come since I can't take lessons right now.  I can't afford to compete, either, and these two facts tend to lead me to believe that I am not very good.  Or that I am becoming a bad rider...with bad habits.  This weekend I learned that I make two very green horses look good and that's not easy to do.  Although I would like my horses to be able to be ridden by anyone, I realize that it takes time for them to feel confident in themselves so that can happen. 

To everyone who has ridden for a long time, pat yourself on the back.  You are probably far better than you realize!

As I get older I find that sometimes the drive to ride and train...falls off a bit.  Especially if I havent' been able to ride or work with them for awhile I feel guilty, which then has the weird effect of taking away my impetus to ride.  It should have the opposite effect, shouldn't it? 

In the past month, though, inspiration hit me in spades.  Here is the strange part: I have been trying to tell my husband, Doug, for weeks that I have lost my drive and feel like I haven't accomplished anything in my riding, and since we live in a godforsaken rural area there are no dressage instructors, etc., etc.  Finally I got him to listen and I voiced all my angst. The horses are sorely in need of training and regular riding.  I am out of work, so time is no longer a problem, I only have the weather to get in the way yet I had trouble getting out there and really going at it. 

Then, after I voiced my feelings, three things happened that changed everything.   First I started giving riding lessons to an 11 year old girl that visits my neighbor's house.  They bought a horse for her, a very sweet old ex-jumper named Charlie.  Charlie has wandered over to our house for visits on occasion so I got to know him well.  In any case, this little girl is horse crazy and brimming with all that lovely courage that comes with riding.  She fell off when he stopped suddenly and hopped right back on, no fear at all.  She rode him every morning and then I would come over and give her a lesson.  She reminded me that I am so lucky to have my own horses and that it is a privilege to ride every day.  She brought out the 11-year old horse crazy girl in me.  After she left I went out and rode every day.

Then I read about a woman in the May issue of Oprah magazine.  There was a piece on women who were old for their activities and one of them was this fabulous 60 year old barrel racer from Hawaii.  In the photo she is standing on the back of her horse with her long grey hair in braids and she's smiling big.  She got into riding at 45 or there about and said that she just "rode, rode, rode" her horse all the time.  She competes for fun, for something to do. 

After reading that I scolded myself for being too caught up in my age and my (lack of )  accomplishments.  It's more important to DO IT than anything else.  With riding the process is what counts, as it is with training.  Doing it every day is the most important thing, and the improvements will happen. 

The third inspiration was even more wonderful and unusual.  I will save the full story for later, but I found out there is an FEI level rider only an hour away named Anita Williams.  I am going to meet her on Monday!  She's going to allow me to be a working student. 

This week, before the rain started, I rode and rode and rode.  And Angel lost weight...for the first time in 3 years!  And she also learned her canter leads, at 11 years old! 



Angel this week - note the crest on her neck is now a slight bump.  We are working on muscles for the hind end...



Taken about a year ago - here you can see how cresty she was!  She also wants you to know
 that she is "large boned"and being covered in white fur is NOT slimming in the least!

No, didn't fall off the edge of the earth!  March was a tough month.  After the loss of BJ we got more bad news (a friend's father committed suicide) and I lost all desire to do anything.  Then we went to San Diego for a week which was at once wonderful and awful.  Won't go in to the awful part... I had hoped to blog on the road and more negative issues made it impossible. So, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it!

As someone who recently became enamoured with clicker training I must say that visiting Sea World was awesome!  I haven't broached the subject here yet, but basically clicker training for horses is the same method that is used to train dolphins and other exotic animals.  When training aquatic animals or even fish, one cannot use coercion, which I feel is often used to train horses.  You simply cannot force a dolphin, killer whale, etc, to do something it doesn't want to do - it will just swim away.  Even if contained in a pool, there is no way to get that animal to do anything you want using punishment.  The only way is to use positive reinforcement training. 

This type of method uses a sound (or lights or some other reinforcer) such as a whistle for dolphins or a clicker for dogs and horses to mark a wanted behavior.  It basically says "yes, that's it!"  The sound is followed by a reward.  The reward reinforces the behavior - it causes the animal to want to do it more in order to get a reward. 

If you are a believer in  traditional horse training all this sounds very alien and against common training methods.  I thought that way too, at first, but I have since changed my mind.  About 2 years ago I attended a Clinton Anderson clinic.  I was completely hooked on Clinton and his method.  For the record, his method is basically traditional, as is any training under the header "natural horsemanship".  The methods used, some more harsh or gentle than others, are all basically the same.  Ask the horse to do something (say, move its hip over) and when it doesn't respond increase the pressure.  If you use a finger to move the horse's hip you press harder.  If you use a "stick" of some type, tap and then tap harder.  And harder. According to Clinton, the "reward" is removing the pressure.  In other words, you stop "tapping", pushing, prodding and whacking. 

Clinton is VERY good at what he does.  His timing is perfect and he can minimize the use of whacking by being very judicious with it.  When you watch him it appears that he really isn't being so terrible because he does it fast and gets a response.  When I went home from the clinic I immediately began to work with all my horses using things I had learned at the clinic (actually it was one of those mass marketing deals where you watch him train horses, not something I participated in with my own horse). 

Two of my horses, Angel and Snickers, were 9 and 11 respectively when we bought them and they knew very little. I immediately began trying things out on them and will never forget the look on Angel's face when I whacked her really hard on the neck for the fourth time.  I got NO response except a very hurt and surprised look from her.  She never moved away from the pressure, instead she got angry at me.  Let me say that I truly believe that if Clinton did the same exercise with my horse he could have gotten her to move over no problem - I know my faults. 

I didn't like the tapping really hard part and although I tried my best I think my doubt crept in.  I know Clinton's methods work because I can see him succeeding.  I am also not critical of him because had I been in his shoes when I was young and had the chance to learn those things I would have done it and I would be giving clinics all over creation.  He is teaching what he knows and he is really good at it.  I still admire him, but I choose what I think is a better and easier way to train a horse.

Clicker training is better because you are communicating with your horse by saying "yes" and that is very powerful.  Using the traditional method you are basically saying "no" - think about it...  So all you are telling them is "no, NOT THAT!"  It has the potential to create a lot of confusion.  "If not that, then what should I do?" I imagine them saying.  Yes, Clinton does give the animal a scratch and says "good boy" occasionally.
But is a scratch on the head a true reward?  Is it enough to keep them wanting to do more?

When I tried clicker training for the first time it was miraculous to me.  Things that I had tried and tried to train suddenly became very easy.  For example, Snickers was very head shy when we got him.  I had worked with him some to lower his head but the "reward" of letting go of the rope when he lowered his head didn't really entice him to want to do it.  Older horses are always more difficult.  So the first thing I did with the clicker was teach him to lower his head.  It was wonderful!  He wanted to do it more, and he followed me around after wanting more training! 

Since then I have taught three foals all kinds of things, and worked with about ten other horses on various things that they have a problem with. My horse Bella, a mustang, is extremely head shy.  I have worked diligently and extensively over the years to get her over this.  It always takes weeks and lots of patience and in the end she tolerates it. Then, just when I think I've gotten her over it she explodes and I have to start over again.  I still can't put the reins over her head.  So I began using the clicker to get the reins over her head.  In one 5 minute session she stopped throwing her head away from my hand (she can does this violently) and actually relaxed and let me bring the reins up to her ears.  For the first time she lowered her head willingly and by herself while I lifted the reins near her ears.  I will keep you posted on the progress of this. I also hope to use it to get her in the trailer...

Although it takes timing and patience just like traditional training does, using a clicker is generally a much easier to train.  I also find it safer, calmer and the results come so much faster.  The horse tends to remember the training, even if it was brief, because using this method activates the part of the brain called the "seeking circuit" which is a pleasure center.  Certain types of activity activate this brain function and the memory of it stays there for a long time. It works similarly to the fear circuit, in which things that scare an animal stay in memory for a long time. 

Using traditional training methods I would end up fighting with my horses, trying to be the tough one, showing them I was boss.  I'm not saying I was good at it.  I wasn't. I am good at clicker training and the results say it all.  Snickers and Angel and actually all my horses have come so far in a short time without the rodeo.  I don't feel bad for what I have to do, I enjoy it more.  Now when I go out to the pasture to get a horse to train they all come running up to me, eager.  I now train on a first come, first serve basis!